Ponderings of a Priestess: Embracing the Surface-Scratcher within ..

Through life, we often hear well-intentioned advice to; stay focused, complete one task at a time, plan ahead, stay on track, be methodical and that it is best to specialise in just one particular area. It's like a drumbeat echoing in our minds, a rhythm that promises success through order and structure. To my Virgo Moon and my orderly, list-making mind, it all makes perfect sense. Yet, as I dig deeper, I realise that this isn't how I best stay in flow and I have been forcing myself to be something I wasn’t and unjustly judging myself harshly along the way.

Growing up and well into my adult life it was challenging for me to ever question authority, I was a rule follower, I never swam against the mainstream, or allowed myself to follow my own instincts. The echoes of words spoken to me as a teenager still reverberate through my body. My mother's ‘throw away’ comments about how I looked and what I ‘should’ be doing about it (at 13 years old) and my father's attempts at motivation that served as critics to do different and be different. I understand now that our parents can only pass down what they've known and experienced themselves. However, I still carry with me a lot of the learnt anguish, self-doubt and mistrust in who I am at my core. Through work into the depths of myself (isn’t that why we are all here) I made the conscious choice to end these generational rhythms with me. 

Overcoming fears, shapeshifting, battling imposter syndrome and social anxiety.

I was constantly told (and sometimes still am) that I should only focus on one thing at a time, that I have too many balls in the air, or that I am always being distracted by the next shiny thing. I became a constant ‘watcher’ of what others were doing to succeed and tried hard to implement their way into my life. This was apparent in all aspects; friendships, relationships, career, self-care, finances, spirituality… A chameleon, constantly trying on other people’s ways of doing things, instead of surrendering to the quietness of who I really was, which I know now, is my ultimate guide.

Societal norms, expectations, the want to fit in, the lack of self confidence - all of these weighed heavily on me and affected my decision making through my years, well into my 20s. I moved to Sydney with a boyfriend that I knew I was never going anywhere serious with (he was a friend's boyfriend's friend), I chose subjects for my HSC because they were the same as my friends, I quit my University degree after 6 months because I was too scared to walk into my Chemistry tutorial late, or ask anyone for directions.

The Power of Self-Encouragement, Self-Belief and Self-Love

I don’t remember a pivotal moment of change, I would love to say it was something special and inspiring… but looking back now, I feel more that it has all simply been a gradual process of beautiful transformation and transmutation. I am still finding parts of me that don’t quite ‘fit’ and, like tiny splinters, I am noticing them, which tree they came from, how long they have been there, how infected they are and then removing them - sometimes there is pain, sometimes not… but I am so much more aware and so much more embracing of my healing process now.

I've reached a point in my journey where I'm learning to be free of comparison and judgement. It's a liberating place to be, and it allows me to live life on my own terms, unburdened by the expectations or standards set by others.

I am sure that everyone has heard the phrase ‘A jack of all trades is a master of none.” BUT, did you know that the entire quote is actually… “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.”

I have started 7 different businesses; event planner, natural skin products, candles and teas, feminine empowerment courses and workshops, animal energy work, an intentional clothing label and website design. Four of these are still running. Talking to friends or family about my business ventures is still something I shy away from, I find it difficult to articulate with confidence why I do all that I do. I still remember someone once saying, “Oh yes, you are always starting something aren’t you?!” It may have been well intentioned, but all I heard was - “Oh look, dear, isn’t that cute, she has started another business.”

I am a mother of three busy boys, my husband has no mobile phone and no drivers licence. My days are filled and flowing with activities and tasks and things to do and places to be, deadlines and promises. There is always something somewhere - and, for me, it just works, this is who I am. I am giggling to myself now too, as I realise I am the chaos. The chaos I thought I would barely be able to cope with when I first discovered I was working with the Priestess Archetype.

Trusting the Unfolding of Life and the Freedom to be ALL of Who I Am

Embracing my multifaceted nature has been an enlightening journey. I've come to realise that being a "surface scratcher"; is precisely who I'm meant to be. I wear many faces – I'm the dabbler; the nature lover, the essential oil ‘gal’, the tech guru, the tarot card reader, the admin specialist, the designer, the crocheting nanny, the gamer girl, the creative painter and drawer, the animal intuitive, the practical list maker, and the writer, even when my inner critic tells me I'm no good at it. I cherish moments spent with like-minded people, but I'm equally content being a home-loving hermit, an explorer, a caregiver, and yes, at times, I’ll even revel in being the centre of attention.

What I am not, is sorry.

While I embrace these many, many roles as blessings, one common thread weaves through them all: and that is a deep founded, REAL trust in my intuition. My belief that everything will work out, that there's a solution to every problem whether that be near or far, I know it’s there and I am moving towards it. My commitment to softening judgments of myself (and with that, others), as this journey guides me on this intricate path of continued self-discovery, I am loving what I am finding.

Onlookers often sing praises, encouragement and love, which no doubt aids and assists me, however there is truly no comparison when this comes from within. THAT is my mastery, that is what I believe my journey in this lifetime involves. That is why I trust I have found my way to the 13 Warrioresses… as they ARE me and I am them. These are my facets, laid out in a beautifully ordered and structured way that allows me to methodically dive in and out as I need their support. That is where I am up to now and what I am being asked to embrace and embody. That is where my intuition has led me. Free of comparison, free of judgement, free to be and do as I please, to swap, shift and chase the next shiny thing to my heart's content.

Ace of Swords – The Shadowscapes Tarot – an interpretation

Before I began writing this blog, I sat with my intention and my intuition and asked for a guidance card to help shape my words and ideas. I drew the Ace of Swords. I sat with the card for a time, watching my palo santo smoke billowing around me, contemplating what my intuition was guiding me towards. No profound idea or spark of inspiration came… so I began to doodle on my page and then as my ‘Artist’s Way’ journey has taught me, I began to write to clear cobwebs and blockages… whatever words came into my mind, I put down on the page, and as I continued to do this, so the smoke cleared and my subject matter appeared.

And then, I began to write and this all flowed through so freely and easily, before I knew what had happened, it was complete. It wasn’t until I had finished and was sitting in reflection that I went back to the card and felt deeper as to the ‘why’ of this particular card.

A magnificent sword rises elegantly, its blade adorned with intricate patterns, likened to the delicate wings of a butterfly. This is not an inanimate object, it exudes life; it represents my thoughts, ideas, and profound revelations that take flight. At the hilt, a single gem radiates a brilliant light, symbolising the clarity of the mind and the insight it brings. Around the sword, a chorus of butterflies and birds takes flight. These creatures embody the element of air, signifying the intellect and the swift, transformative power of thought. Their presence suggests that the wisdom of the sword is in harmony with the freedom and adaptability of the air element.

For me, The Ace of Swords represents clarity and insight, very much like the epiphanies I have experienced throughout my journey thus far and that came through in my writing. It invites one to cut through the clouds of uncertainty and discover the beauty of my multifaceted self, just as the intricate patterns on the sword's blade reveal their true splendour when light shines upon them.

This card is mirroring my journey of embracing my multifaceted self, trusting my intuition, and freeing myself, opening to the wisdom that arises from within.

I’ve done it, I’ve cracked the surface and now there is no going back.

Writing this blog is wrapped in healing for me - thank you for reading x

Blessings,

Tracy x

Priestess Clan Mother & Tarot Card Reader