This Too Shall Pass: the Calm After the Storm

While looking up as I finally lay my heavy head on the pillow, I catch myself actually feeling thrilled at this very moment in time. I’m loving the fact that I can just lay here and do absolutely nothing! Nothing but just watch the flickering light dancing along the walls and ceiling. My bedroom is finally starting to feel more gentle and soothing as the light dances around in a rhythmic hypnotic way. I’m loving the fact that this room is slowly evolving into my very own Goddess Sanctuary It’s slowly becoming the canvas of my innermost personality, holding memories and stages of my life through ‘trinkets’, photos and items that I’ve been collecting like a Bower Bird for all these years. I can finally properly unpack all of my boxes and safely display my memories without fear of my little boys breaking them, as they are now grown young men living in different states. Or having the fear of my precious items being damaged or ridiculed by a narcissistic ex-partner from long ago.

I can look around my room and see all the stages of my life and realise how much I’ve personally grown. I’m now able to lull myself to sleep with the greatest of ease and zero stress, FINALLY And the reason that I can fall asleep with the greatest of ease is because I’m ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED by bedtime But exhausted in a good way for my current state of being  

Feeding my Mind, Body & Spirit

You see every day after finishing off my non stop commitments to this 3D world, I then try to make it my mission to finish off each evening till bedtime in doing something that feeds my Mind/Body & Spirit, and I allow my intuition to do what it wishes to do… and do it without any feelings of guilt about not sharing my precious time with anyone else. It’s such a new role that I’m experiencing in this stage of life. This spiritual liberation was created from heartbreak though… but I’m now starting to see and appreciate how far I’ve come with this new self-aware lifestyle. From what was a very painful start I’m now finally seeing the polarity benefits such as what I’m experiencing at this very moment. I’m still learning to just sit back and love with ease this new version of me, while also reminding myself to relax and let go of my fight & flight mode and the anxiety that drives my body during the day. Since there’s so much that I personally want to achieve artistically in this lifetime I’m more than happy to finish off each day exhausted … because at least I’m satisfied with giving myself much needed ‘Me Time’ 

Fleeting Moments, the Good and the Bad …

Apart from living each day with anxiety, which I’ve had my entire life, I recently learnt that I’m also a ‘people pleaser’ and that my anxiety may actually be getting triggered by that. It’s something that I learnt about myself by decoding my best friend's whacky text messages … I absolutely love my soul sister ‘Smanky’ and our souls journeying together, and of us trying to make sense of this that we’re living on. Smanky and I hadn’t actually seen each other in over 12 years, so we made it our mission this year to rectify that and book a holiday rental property for the week, along with her school friend from years ago. We all had the best time together doing what we wanted, when we wanted without having the concept of time dictate us around like a school yard bully. We each saw and shared with the others our soul journey and earthly hardships that had been going on in our respective lives. We were pinching ourselves that we all managed to juggle our schedules enough to be able to create this blissful week for ourselves….

We each also ended the holiday week having to come home having to deal with some hardship which was the polarity of the relaxing week away. Mine was having to make the hard decision on the day of coming back home to euthanise Shadow, my beautiful cat of 15 years Her health and bodily functions had deteriorated so much that ‘it was time’ . So while Smanky and Jen were enjoying their last moments together back at the holiday house, I was burying Shadow and looking back on the past 15 years and all that I’ve personally gone through, knowing that Shadow and her sister Misty were always there for me

Journeying with the Amazonian Arts

Now before I get too far ahead of myself I first need to share with you of how I got to this stage that I’m at right now: the, "So much to share but no real time to do so" stage. I think to myself of how many times I’ve started putting pen to paper about all the ups and downs of life and ‘Aha’ moments that I’ve experienced in the past couple of years since my journeying started with the Amazonian Arts and the synchronicities galore that would occur as a gentle reminder of ‘the bigger scheme of things’… There are too many synchronicities to write here, but this one I wish to share because it was so in my face

Synchronicities

I just wanted a ‘Sign’… In May of 2021 I went to Wagga Wagga to be with my youngest son Mitchell who was graduating from Army training. I’ll admit that it’s not my first career choice for my baby boy but hey it’s his life not mine. Anyway as Mitchell and my eldest son Ethan headed into JB H-Fi I took a photo of them marking this special moment of them now becoming men. This meant that I could now finally immerse myself into becoming the ‘me’ that I always wanted to be, because I realised that I didn’t allow myself the time while raising them to explore that side of myself properly. I especially wanted to start to lock into my spiritual ‘woo-woo’ side more and really see how to tap into it with greater ease and acceptance, instead of second guessing myself all the time.

Being one of the the Vision Weavers for the Amazonian Arts and creating the Warrioress images was a start to my new found Spiritual Journey, and I was so honoured to be asked to do so by Akhalita . While taping into drawing each Warrioress image I would get synchronicities that would happen at the time of drawing, but now being so far away from home and no time to draw I was longing to get back into that realm, but I also wanted to be present while spending quality time with my boys. So as I walked into JB-H-Fi behind them I just wanted a sign from somewhere that I still had ‘connection’ as being the Artisan Clan Mother and that all the synchronicities that I’d experienced during drawing wasn’t just in my head.

As we walked in I was being over shadowed by their height and broad shoulders so I didn’t realise until they both stepped in opposite directions that all of a sudden I was standing in the middle of the TV section. And wouldn’t you know it….this is what I saw Every single TV screen had a Wildebeest on it The Artisans Shapeshifting Spirit Animal It was moments like these that I didn’t feel alone or unheard…it was moments like these that I wanted to do a little happy dance because it was a sign just for me and no one else  

Tsunami of Emotions

That was back in 2021 and unfortunately I still had a long journey ahead of me, because just when I thought to myself, ‘This is it! This is a sign and moment in time that I wanted to share with you all', or that this particular point in time created some sort of wisdom … well then all of a sudden I would get another wave of W.T.F Universe! And then once again I would get sucked deep down by a tsunami wave of emotions, despair and self doubt. I would retreat back into my Cancerian shell for self preservation. I would not reply back to friends on Messenger, I would avoid eye contact, I would pray to be invisible and just get the day over and done with. While in that shell of protection I’d be saying… ‘What now Universe?’ ‘Why me?’ ‘Give me a bloody break for crying out loud!’ I wanted it all to stop, I wanted to step off the planet just for a moment to be able to re-balance myself, to catch my breath before having another Tower Moment come crashing down around me. But no, that didn’t seem to be the plan written out for me, because now in 2023 the year so far has been of rampant emotions running wild, trust issues rearing their ugly head, uncertainty of where I would end up in my oncoming old age. I’ve been riding a wild angry bull, holding tightly onto its horns and hoping for dear God that ‘This Too Shall Pass.’

Call To Courage

To think that last year when I finally did my Call To Courage, all I wanted and asked for was to confront my panic attacks and deep-seated fear of working front of house in my own café. I just wanted to feel comfortable to use the till and serve my customers with confidence. I wanted to be able to wake up at 6am, happy that I was running a successful café, instead of waking up at 4am with the runs and stressing out about what kind of a day lay ahead of me. I can understand that, for many of you, serving customers doesn’t sound like a big deal, but for me being a natural hermit that can happily be at home and not see a single soul for days on end, the idea of ‘performing’ and being in the public eye almost everyday was not only incredibly stressful but also extremely exhausting. Looking back on that simple request that I ‘put out there’ to the Universe, I can now see my innocence in what I was asking for without truly understanding how the Universe had granted my request from its own perspective.

2023 So Far…

Kicking off the year loosing 4 staff members was bad enough, but then I was ‘forced’ to put myself out there even more so and help keep the café running smoothly while my partner was cooking out the back. I finally started to feel though like, ‘Yes I can do this’….then all of a sudden out of the blue my partner broke up with me and I once again felt that magical flying carpet get pulled out from underneath me! I couldn’t catch a break, I couldn’t relax, I was thrown back into major fight & flight mode! Since I was in the public eye everyday and now working and living with the man that I love but who was no longer in love with me, I had to ‘perform’ even harder. For those of you that have heard of Speed Dating, well I was now going to push myself through Speed Grieving. I was grieving the death of a relationship that I thought was going to stand the test of time. I was even hoping to marry this man one day. Instead I now had to accept our separation and cry my eyes out morning and night, but not during the day because our customers were at the café to have a good time and not there to see me holding back tears. The month of May I managed to successfully Speed Grieve the death of our relationship and learn to respect my ex-partner's new pathway and also learn to be excited about my own new direction. While all of this was going on I now had another new dark shadow looming over me and that was that if I didn’t find more staff soon, especially a barista, well then I would have to take on that task as well! On top of all of that I was also cleaning the amenities at the local Holiday Park every Tuesday and Friday evenings after work plus cleaning cabins every Sunday! Bloody hell Universe…are you kidding me?!?

My Next Challenge…

The barista role was even a scarier challenge than just being front of house, because everyone’s a critic when it comes to a good cuppa! I had a deadline to fill that role and deep down I somehow knew that I wasn’t going to find a person in time because it was being handed to me by the Universe. It was my next challenge in life So I spent as much time as possible in the evenings to study via YouTube on how to create the perfect vortex to make cappuccinos, lattes, dirty chai etc. etc. while also trying to ‘Find Myself’ again now that my ex and I were separated but still living and working together. I knew that to juggle everything around me during the day I had to find the time to ground myself at night and also find the time to redecorate my new bedroom status of being a ‘Single Woman’.

It was at this point in time when the magic started to happen … FINALLY I now had the opportunity to bring out all of my special trinkets that I’d been collecting throughout my life. Items that I often wondered why did I still hold onto, items that I also learnt to let go and regift. Clothes that once use to represent me were being donated and clothes that I had boxed away were now coming out again. I now had the opportunity to get out of bed at 5am when stressed and light my special candle and spend time reflecting and asking to reconnect with my Soul Being family. I now started to see the gift that my ex had given me, the gift of finding myself again with no strings attached. I started to redirect my love for him and now direct it towards myself. Synchronicities were starting to come back, my dreams were starting to come back, my connection to self was starting to come back. But I still just couldn’t budge my fight & flight mode that my body was constantly in, so I decided to contact Jeanette (Lion-gate Healing) and put my full trust in her skills and visions. I managed to book a session with her on my 53rd birthday… my only day off in 25 days and 1 day before my barista deadline, which was now my new role at the café . 

My Lion-Gate Healing Session

The results of my session with Jeanette were truly unexpected and it was just what I needed to hear so as to help me to reconnect with my Soul Being Family with greater clarity. It helped me to solidify their existence into my daily life and know that they’re waiting for me to ask for their help more directly when needed. Jeanette also connected specifically with my ‘Lead Guide’ and she heard a name/sound that I could call upon when my anxiety started to rear its ugly head again. I now knew that this Celestial Being wanted me to know that she and all of my Celestial Sisters were there waiting for me to accept their heartfelt love and light. I didn’t feel so alone anymore while experiencing the negative aspects of living this human experience. I also got some beautiful images in my minds eye that I know one day will become special paintings for me to look upon that will pinpoint this special day. I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday gift for myself!

A Connection has been Made…

Once I got back home from my session with Jeanette I couldn’t wait to look up online and see if the sound/name meant anything. As I looked further into it I was pleasantly surprised that my Guide's other name was actually part of a Triple Goddess. A Goddess that I had been drawn to for the past 7 years or so, but that I had actually held at arms length for reasons that she was known as a Goddess of Death and War and with a tough reputation. I’ve read that if one were to work with this Goddess and ask for assistance well then it would be a hard road travelled, but also one well worth it in the end. Unlike Speed Dating and Speed Grieving, I was now ready to accept my newest task that didn’t require Speed anything. Instead I am now happily acquiring knowledge at a leisurely pace about my new Goddess and excited to create a new alter to meditate at each day and build a relationship with her. Reading up about her I realised that I already had on hand all the ‘tools’ and items that represented her so as to create an altar. She was there with me the whole time, I just never felt ready or strong enough to call upon her … until now.

My New Mantra…

I’ve heard on several occasions that we are given challenges that at the time we think we can’t get through, but once on the other side we realise that we managed to get through it all with greater understanding… therefore passing the test once again. That old adage of ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ has been my 2023 year so far. I would often say to myself, ‘This Too Shall Pass’, just to help me make it to the end of the day. But now days I find myself chanting my Soul Guide's name because I have that connection now and it feels more positive and the sound/word is more calming.

Looking back at all that I’ve achieved since my Call To Courage I’ve learnt to be proud of my achievements. I’ve learnt to give myself the positive pep talk and not expect anyone else to do that for me, because in reality only I know how far I’ve come with the challenges that have been thrusted my way. I’m now looking forward to my future again and in finding more of myself that I’ve allowed to slip away. This doesn’t mean that I will no longer feel anymore pangs of stress and anxiety, it means that I’m starting to learn how to collect and use ‘my tools of the trade’ and techniques that can help me cope with living this human experience.

It also means that this time around I’ll remember to embrace my Soul Being Contract with the knowledge that I have spiritual backup that was always there for me, I just forgot to have faith in myself and my connection with my Soul Family to ask for help. I now know that the next 18 months of the café being in operation is just that, 18 months! I’m now looking at the bigger picture of this training ground and I’m looking forward to the person that I will be after those 18 months have past. By then I will be more ready, I’ll have the knowledge and understanding that my current training ground was not to break me, but it was to strengthen me so as to then step into my Truer Calling…the one calling that I’ve been longing for for my entire life 

As for my saying, ‘This Too Shall Pass’… I now realise that this means the good and the bad of whatever I’m experiencing at the time. So now days when life is feeling great I relish it fully without having that looming fear of what the polarity will bring, because that too will come and go just as the good times comes and goes. Therefore I’m now training myself to be more in Flow State of being … I also have to remember to stop saying ‘Bring it on!’ Because I know that the Universe will do so… because the Universe is always listening XX

By Katiuska

Artisan Clan Mother

Dedicated to Misty & Shadow  

P.S… 5th September I’m sitting at my dining room window contemplating today. An hour ago I just buried Misty, 3 weeks after burying her sister Shadow Hours prior to this my gorgeous Sisters from the Amazonian Arts came to the cafe for some coffees and lunch. Me being aware that Misty had a 4:30 booking to be euthanised that evening but not saying anything to them… keeping it all bottled up because I’m in the hospitality industry. People come to the cafe to enjoy their time, which is what I love to see. What I’m contemplating on are the polarities of my daily life, the push and pull of my emotions. It sometimes feels as though if something good comes my way well then don’t be surprised that something from the opposite spectrum will need to rear its ugly head too. As a human being this sucks! As a Soul Being, I’m here to experience life and all its offerings